She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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