dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
