he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
