So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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