and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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