i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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