I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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