Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
