from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize