no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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