who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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