shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
