just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
