If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
