I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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