dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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