so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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