he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
