i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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