i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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