I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
