So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
