PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize