Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
