im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize