you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
