you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
