I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
