i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
