just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
