Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
