Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize