I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
