Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
