Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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