they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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