I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Holy sore nipples Batman
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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