I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
