I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize