we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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