I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
