so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
