I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
