Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
