lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's rum buckets o'clock
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
