I can text with my tongue
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
