I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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