i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
