Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
