You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
