did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
