Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
