dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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