Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
