i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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