"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
