I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
