I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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