just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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