you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
