Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
