Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
