He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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