Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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