I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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