well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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