...so i touched it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize