i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
