I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
