All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
