Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
