bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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