But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
